How to forgive - the daring question

Source - BigStock

Is forgiving the hardest thing in the world to do? The answer may depend on what you’ve been through and various other reasons such as personal behavior. Only those who had been struggling with a past incidence that made you rethink about how you trust other people know how hard it is to forgive someone. Why is it hard? Because we ask ourselves the wrong question. When we think about forgiving, the addiction to the adrenaline provided by anger forces us to ask “why” when the actual question should have been “how”. Let me take you through a couple of points to ponder about forgiving.

It’s not about saying it out loud

If you think saying it to the other person is unnecessary, don’t say it. It’s completely fine. It’s more about how you let it go out of your mind. Simply write everything you want to tell to the other person in a piece of paper and throw it away. You can even tell somebody else about it. Talk to one of your friends or family about it. Just let it go.

It’s not something you do for the other person

Most people think they do a favor to the other person by forgiving but the actual benefiter is you. By forgiving, you are freeing yourself from mental stress and your mind will be more than grateful to let some fresh air in. As Nelson Mandela once said, “Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for it to kill the other person”.

It’s not about forgetting

Forgiving is not forgetting. Make a list of good things that happened because of this experience. You should be clever enough to identify the lesson the incidence taught you so that you will not do the same mistake again. You simply have to force your mind to stop thinking about it rather than to forget it. The more you try to forget something, the more it will stick to your mind. It’s a law of nature and nobody wins against nature.

Forgive yourself – stop telling the story

Sometimes, a part of the fault must have been at your hands. Forgive yourself. Stop reminding yourself about that experience and think of experiences you enjoyed instead. Keep pictures of yourself having fun where you can see everyday (Wallpaper of your mobile phone perhaps?) and make it a habit to think of the best in you.